please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
