so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
