She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
