i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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