worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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