I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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