Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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