i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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