here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
