He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize