the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
