yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ketchup is God's man juice
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
