Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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