i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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