I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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