Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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