here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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