Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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