Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
