Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
