Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
