so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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