You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize