Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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