Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
