I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
