are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
