I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
