I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
