yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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