I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
