does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
