butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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