Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
