my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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