Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
