Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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