were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
