similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Text me some of your sweat
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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