He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
