3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
