I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
