I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize