when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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