I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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