i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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