i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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