i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
