Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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