There is no way he is gay with that hair.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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