Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
