Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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