my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
