sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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