Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
