he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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