I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
