well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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