So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
