Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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