if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
