Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
